our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
