New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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