So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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