i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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