I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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