So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
