how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
