i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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