Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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