She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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