I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
