You really coming over, don't trick.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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