You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
