The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
