Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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