just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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