I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize