and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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