Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
