Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
