this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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