I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
