I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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