Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
