Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize