Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
