All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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