mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize