How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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