It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
