I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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