When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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