Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
