Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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