absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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