She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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