Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
