You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
