I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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