Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
