this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
