Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
