Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
