O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
