well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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