I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
