smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
