Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
