fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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