I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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