i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
