YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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