So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
