Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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