I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize