like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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