Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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