Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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