OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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