please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think my moral compass just broke
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
