Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
