You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
