You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
