The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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