just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
