The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize