p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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