I think my vagina is haunted
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize