He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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