We won't sleep together?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
